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Rotary Phones ~ Flashback Friday

April 18, 2014 - Author: Kelly

By Изогиз (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

By Изогиз (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I’ve been fixing the house up to get it in “show” condition and up for sale. It always takes more time than you think to do these things. It seems like it’s just a million little things.

 Sydney, Dave and I were just chatting before Syd went off to bed when I mentioned to Dave…”we need a new phone for the wall in the kitchen.”

 ”Lets get one that actually attaches to the wall and won’t walk off like all the cordless ones seem to,” he said.

 ”How about if I get an old Rotary phone?” I said already thinking about how cute it would look on the wall.

“What’s a rotary phone?” Sydney piped up.

I laughed, “it’s one of the old phones you dial with your finger, you know..” I prodded.

“Ohhhhhh,” she said as the picture grew clearer. “Those things look so confusing!”

 Now Dave and I were laughing. “It’s a simple machine Syd,” I tried to explain. “You just do one thing. Dial the numbers.”

“But how do you know where to stop or which way to go with it?” She asked all innocent and totally serious.

 ”It’s not like a combination lock Syd, you put you finger in the hole and turn it.”

 ”But what’s in the holes?” She was almost begging for an answer.

 ”Nothing!” Dave laughed.

“You just put your finger in the hole and dial!” I tried.

“Ok but what is INSIDE the holes?” she asked again.

 ”Your dialing finger!” I said. “So it was really important not to break your dialing finger!”

 We both explained how the dial stop worked and after the light went on for Syd she felt pretty silly.

 Apparently kids these days have no idea what rotary phones were. I found this clip while searching for a picture of a rotary dial phone.

 

“Yeah, we only had one phone line and if you called your friend and they were already talking on the phone you just had to wait…you got a busy tone.” I went on.

“Wow. That would suck!” Syd admitted. “Well what if they weren’t home?”

“Well nothing, you just called back later.”

“Right and if your parents were on the phone, none of your friends could call until the line was open and nobody was using it.” Dave explained.

“My girlfriends and I used to have to call the operator and ask them to make an emergency breakthrough.” I laughed heartily remembering that.

I told Syd, “if my BF’s line was busy, I’d call the operator and this was how it went:

“Hello, operator? I’d like to make an emergency breakthrough call.”

“What number would you like to try?”  The voice always asked in a monotone.  We were never quite sure if the operator was a real person.

“Then you’d give her the phone number (343 – 6348) and the operator would say, “who may I tell them is calling?”

“It’s Dr. Hurts office and I’ve got test results!” I’d say all sing songy.

I could always hear her break into the call and relay the message. The bad part was if your friend wasn’t on the phone and it was her mom or dad. Then the operator would come back and say something like, “I’m sorry but they refuse to drop the line at this time.”

 Normally, she’d return and say, “your party will drop the line, you may try your call again. Have a great day and thank you for using Southwestern Bell.”

 Those were the days, my friend.

 Keep it Real!

 ”How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” Satchel Paige

4 Comments - Categories: RealHousewife

Making Raspberries into a Sweet Treat!

April 16, 2014 - Author: Kelly

When I first met my husband he was dating another lady. Their relationship was nearing the weary end.  They never seemed to get along. Eventually, they broke up, we started dating and that’s all she wrote.  I wish.

Can you imagine my surprise when just a few years ago – someone found my blog and sent me a real nasty email.  She said I stole my husband away from his girlfriend and that one day, I was going to lose him the same way that I got him.

I tell you dear reader, I nearly fell on the floor.  Dave and I began dating in 1993, you see.  It seems like such a long time ago, ancient history!

I did not dignify that email with a response.  I did wonder just how she thought I got my husband?

So when I am making a real fancy dessert or something special I find myself thinking about that email.  I’m thinking, ‘you know nothing, I’m gonna keep my guy the same way I got him.’

First, I crank up the stereo.

Next I’m gonna take a bowl of fresh Raspberries:

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I’m gonna remove all the seeds and inedible parts.

icecream

To sweeten the deal, I’ll add 2/3 cup of powdered sugar to the raspberries.

Then I mix up something you wouldn’t expect tastes great in a treat but looks can be deceiving.

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Two egg whites beaten into gorgeous creamy clouds.

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My husband won’t believe how I can dissolve a 1/3 cup of sugar into a 1/2 cup of water and then let it boil without stirring for 5 minutes.  Making simple syrup is like magic!

Then I drizzle the hot sugar syrup over the beaten egg whites while the mixer is still on and continue to beat until the mixture is cold.

Next fold in the raspberry juice.

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Finally, I’ll whip some heavy cream until it forms stiff peaks.

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Add the cream to the whipped raspberry mix and voila!

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I’m going to pop in uncovered into the freezer and stir it every hour for a few hours to ward off ice crystals.  Once it has frozen I cover it until it’s time for dessert.

Just when Dave thinks his fine meal is over, I like to whip out something sweet.  A surprise…something he didn’t expect.

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Now what does that say to you?

And that is exactly how I got and have kept my husband all these years.  One sweet little surprise after the next!

Keep it Real!

 ”The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” ~William Pen

 

7 Comments - Categories: photography, RealHousewife

Public School Policies – Moody Monday

April 14, 2014 - Author: Kelly

heartpngThe entire day was one big mood swing.  I had a critical parent complaint before my first sip of coffee but before the day was over I turned my frown upside down by taking a step back to scope out the BIG picture.

One of my girls had an ear infection last week. Dave took her by the Pediatrician’s office and sure enough, the inner and outer ear were infected. Medicine was prescribed, I picked them up and started the rounds. The next morning my girl still wasn’t feeling well when she woke up. I asked Dave to go ahead and take my older girl to school while I fixed Maddy up.

After about two hours Madison started feeling much better. I am assuming the second round of antibiotics kicked in. She asked if she could go to school so she could attend at least a half day. Dave agreed to drive her and so when he called me almost immediately after leaving I knew something wasn’t right.

“The secretary says you need to have the doctor send her an excuse. Apparently, Madison has an attendance problem.”

“Oh sheesh! Really? They are gonna pull that with me?” I complained.

“The strange thing is, I asked how many days she has missed this year and when she pulled the record up her attendance was over 93%,” Dave told me.

“So she’s getting an A in attendance then!” I bragged.

“I just knew you were going to be mad!” Dave said all proud of himself for being able to predict one of my moods.  “She printed out a letter for me to give to you.”

Maddy has seemed to have missed a lot of school due to illness this year. She had a couple of ear infections and six weeks of physical therapy for dog bites on one hand. That caused a few instances. However, my girls are now and have always been honor roll students. In fact Madison got an award for having straight A’s for TWO years in a row a couple of years ago. It’s just been a hard year for her and I DO NOT send my children to school sick.

I’m a parent who just wants my kids to get through school unscathed. I don’t give a shit about perfect attendance or perfect grades. A’s, B’s and even an occasional C if it’s math is fine by me. These kids today have enough issues to worry about and homework can take them hours. They are kids man, not little pencil pushers. I don’t expect perfection. All the parents that want to gloat over their children’s perfect scores and perfect attendance can go ahead and have the spot light. Go on with your little genius and your vicarious living.

Dave gave me a copy of the letter that the secretary printed out and it was a form letter with blanks filled in that pertained to Madison’s attendance.

I was SO annoyed about that letter! I do not need parenting help from the school. I feel that my children are well cared for, healthy and honor roll students. They do not have behavior issues, they feel like they have a good life and they feel they have good friends. I know because I ask them these things regularly. It’s my checklist for adolescent depression indicators.

I saw:

Dear Mrs. U:

“YOU SUCK AS A PARENT AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE REMOVING ANY AND ALL CHILDREN FROM YOUR INADEQUATE HOME.”

Seriously it did have sort of threatening words like, “you may be referred to The St. Charles Family Court”….

I was L-I-V-I-D.

I was thinking things like, “Oh!  You just try to take my children from me!”

Just try it...I dare ya.

Just try it…I dare ya.

I was annoyed all day about that letter. How dare the public school threaten me when they have many more important things to deal with. As I sat in the bus line waiting for the kids after school I was still thinking about my special letter. You have to get there about half hour early so you aren’t lined out into the street at the end. This school can’t even manage a line of busses and cars for pick up and they want to tutor me on my parenting skills?

I was thinking, really if all the parents would follow the proper procedure in the bus line it would work for everyone. It’s one of those things that looks good on paper but in practice it doesn’t work well. You’re supposed to pull up in front of the school in one big circle jerk and the kids run up to the cars and jump in and off ya go. The only problem is, some parents leave big gaps, some get out and talk to other drivers while they wait so they fail to see they could be moving up, etc., etc.

Then it hit me, like a two ton weight being dropped on my head. The “absentee letter” isn’t about ME. It’s the only way the school has of attempting to keep track of ALL the children.

Then I started wondering if I’m just one great big narcissist. I mean really? Why did I ever even waste one second thinking that silly letter was so personal?

The system might not work for ALL the people but it’s put in place to help the children that need it. It IS about the kids who might fall through the cracks if they didn’t have those checks and balances. After looking at it that way for a minute, I quickly realized that if there was a case of child neglect and the school wasn’t paying attention to things like frequent absenteeism…that child might fall through the cracks. And then what would we as parents be saying? Many of us would blame the public school system for not following up on those red flags. I know I’d be thinking that.

By the time the kids got in the car, I was feeling much better and silly for having been in such a snit over that letter. It’s not always about me. Thank goodness!

And now, I’m in the mood for a melody…

Keep it Real!

Moody Monday is a blog link up hosted by Tlpoague - if you’re in a mood…link up – tell us about it!

“If there were no schools to take the children away from the home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.” ~E. W. Howe

7 Comments - Categories: Parenting, RealHousewife

Nursery Rhymes & Children’s Stories ~ Flashback Friday

April 11, 2014 - Author: Kelly

roses

Ever get a song that seems to materialize in your head from thin air? You find yourself singing a tune or thinking about phrases from a Nursery Rhyme?

Last night one of my children basically accused me of being neurotic. Well alright, she used the words, “you worry about EVVVVVV-RE THING!” (It was the sassy 12-year-old).

I do not worry about everything. I’m just cautious.  It’s my job to prevent mishaps.

I went down to do the ‘before bed spot checking and door locking’.

While I was washing a few dishes that aren’t dishwasher safe..damn the manufacturer…when I realized I was humming a tune.  The tune that found its way into my conscious mind as I swished the Handi-wipe around the ceramic bowl was “Ring Around The Rosie.” (Note: Some sources site the tune as Ring Around the Rosey or Rosy).

Then, I had an AH HA moment!

I thought, “it’s no wonder that I’m always thinking about preventing disasters. Think of all the freaking scary stories they used to tell kids. When our parents had time to entertain us, it was with Nursery Rhymes and before bed stories.

“Ring Around the Rosie,” originated due to the Black Plague.

“Ring around the Rosies

A pocket full of posies

Ashes, ashes

We all fall down”

The rash was in ring shapes and apparently caused a foul order so the infected people would put Posies or flowers in their pockets. Ashes, ashes…I’ll let you extrapolate.

The rhyme that burns brightest in my childhood memories was “I’m A Little Teapot.” Horrifying. According to most books it goes like this:

“I’m a little teapot short and stoutteapot

here is my handle, here is my spout;

When I get all steamed up, hear me shout:

Tip me over and pour me out!”

Now can you imagine my shock and horror to find out that I was the only kindergartener who ended her song with:

“When I get all steamed up, hear me shout:

Sock it to me baby ~ let it all hang out!”

Thanks, Mom. Very 60′s.  Except you forgot to teach me the words to the song everyone else was singing.

Fairy Tales were indeed grim! Think about Snow White or Hansel and Gretel?

And if that wasn’t enough, our before bed time prayers contained poetic and dreamy words like, “if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take”…

That could keep your thoughts churning for a second.

Our parents terrorized us.  (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

I opened the girls doors as I passed by just to make sure they weren’t on their phones or watching TV…Maddy rolled over and looked up and rolled her eyes at me.

Good night! Sleep Tight! Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” I cooed as I shut the door behind me.

Sweet Dreams!

Sweet Dreams!

Keep it Real!

“Fear has many eyes and can see things underground.” ~Miguel de Cervantes

10 Comments - Categories: RealHousewife

Should You Eat That? When Food Expires…Food for Second Thought

April 9, 2014 - Author: Kelly

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Some food has a sell by date others have an ‘expiration date‘ so what’s up with that? Does food expire and which ones will kill you?

I haven’t always been so concerned with little details like food expiration dates…after my oldest got food poisoning…well, I started paying a lot of attention to such things.  Like a freak.  One bad case of food poisoning will do that to a mother.  For the record, it was Mayonnaise, in my daughter’s case.  She made herself and her dad a sandwich and he didn’t get sick while she was deathly ill.  A trip to the E.R. and follow up visits confirmed it.

On the upside though all three girls are sticklers about checking for food expiration dates before they put anything in their mouths.  While I’m cooking, one of the girls will check the dates and inform me if I’m getting close to the death date.

I’m not very encouraged by what I have found.  First of all, you can decode the meaning of the dates if you so choose by reading this article:  How to Read Food Expiration Codes.  I am sad to learn that expiration dates aren’t really required by the F.D.A. unless it’s Baby Formula or Baby Food.

I also read a Dear Abby newspaper column a few years ago and a lady wrote in to say that her son had become deathly ill after consuming old pancake batter.  The columnist concluded that it was true to my recollection.  I never ever eat any flours or cake batters if they pass the expire or sell by date because of that memory.  I didn’t know if it was just a rumor or not? I looked it up and found the exact case on Snopes.

Technically, it sounds like they are saying that people aren’t actually getting sick from expired cake mix they are getting sick from different mold spores that were growing in the mixes, particularly the ones that were previously open.

Before you eat it, you may have to truly ask yourself…is it a piece of cake worth dying for?

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And what about canned goods?

I read several articles that suggest that you can eat the food as long as it doesn’t smell or taste bad.  Personally, I’m not going to take that risk unless my kids are starving to death.  (Umphenour vs. Food Poisoning, 1995).

In 1865 a Steamboat, headed for mining towns in Montana, left St. Louis on the Missouri River.  Steamboat Bertrand, loaded with merchandise and mercury got snagged just outside of Desoto in Nebraska and it sunk in less than 10 minutes.  In 1969 the wreck was found and excavated.  Among the treasures found were canned goods.

In the late 1800′s canned food would probably have only been afforded by the rich.  This collection included canned oysters, peaches and various jars of pickles and olive oils.  The fascinating thing is that they tested the canned goods and found them to be in very good condition.

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Spices are said to be good for about three years.  Even if it’s past the expiration date.  Dried spices that are old tend to not be as flavorful and may make your dish taste worse for having used it.  I would use the smell and taste test after dumping it out and making sure nothing is growing in it.

I am still going to be pretty vigilant about following the dates on the package.  If I have any reservations, I did find a really good site that has a lot of food facts and information about food and it’s shelf life.  Check out Eat By Date.  It’s a great site to bookmark for later.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable cooking food that has passed it’s sell by or expiration date.  Some food doesn’t even have a date that I can ever find on the product.

No matter what…even if it’s close…don’t ever eat bad mayonnaise.  That I know for sure.

Keep it Real!

“I promised her an interesting life and good food and the rest is history.” ~Bob Ehrlich

 

7 Comments - Categories: food, RealHousewife

Those Sexting Teens – Moody Monday

April 7, 2014 - Author: Kelly

Moody Monday is a link up hosted by Tip.   Feel free to link up … you have permission to express your mood.

I’m in a mood today…after reading the news this morning and seeing yet another article in the media about some teen-aged kids that did something less that smart.

Let me just link one of the media articles here. “Teens Under Investigation for Spreading Nude Selfies at Fort Zumwalt East High School.”

Really?  This makes me angry on so many levels.  First of all, I am the mother of three daughters.  They are now 25, 14 and 12.  It makes me cringe because I can not imagine what the kids involved must be going through. They clearly know how huge their mistake was as we have built a massive media mountain to remind them.

I’m not sure why the public school didn’t just defer the delicate matter to the parents involved and let them handle this with some dignity.  I am well aware that I don’t know all the facts but let me tell you this:  If there was a teacher that was accused of any sort of misconduct the school would be stepping and fetching to keep it quiet and under wraps.  I’m not sure I understand the double standard here.  A system designed to protect whom, again?

I loathe giving parental advice.  I only have the dynamics of the personalities around me to deal with.  That’s why there aren’t manuals that come with children.  All children are their own book beginning with page one.  No one can predict chapter one or two or twelve.  Not even Tiger Mom.  You just have to deal with what comes up when its real life.

So, without judging, I would just like to say that if one of those girls were mine, I’d be feeling so sorry for them. I’d be hugging my girl and then I would try to ask the right questions to figure out why she felt the need to do that.  I’d wonder if she was looking for affection or well with kids it could be a million plus one reasons and you might never guess…you have to ask.

It may have been just one fraction of a second of snapping a photo and sending it in a moment that the kid involved in the situation didn’t really think about consequences.  I highly doubt the girl sat down and considered that a topless photo would not only be shared with her trusted friend but with the school and local police districts.  I’m positive she knows now and so does everyone else.

I highly doubt that in a world where nudity and nakedness are sending and receiving so many mixed messages.  Sorry to have to break this to anyone who may not realize this yet but sex and all those subliminal messages used to SELL, SELL, SELL..might be getting a little confused.

My twelve-year-old daughter went shopping at Hollister and the bag she came home with was shocking to me.  My little girl was carrying a bag with nearly naked people on it through the MALL folks.  They gave it to her so she could advertise with naked bodies for them.  I was embarrassed imagining how she looked shopping with her little girl friends and those bags. Ugh.  I’m not a prude but I’ll remind you again that she is 12, in seventh grade.

Yet, we don’t understand where kids get the idea that nude photos aren’t a big deal?  We don’t live in Mayberry anymore folks.  Andy had the best advice though…I think perhaps the school district could learn a little from Andy.

 

I’d also tell my child no matter how bad this feels, it too will fade.  The next exciting bit of dirt will have people’s attention.  Take for example, Machelle Outlaw.

You probably don’t know who she is do you?  In 1987 at age 17, she was the homecoming queen at Goldsboro Christian School in Goldsboro, N.C.  An article appeared in the newspaper on March 12, 1987.  Machelle was in a fashion show at the mall.  She modeled a bathing suit and it was such a scandal that she was expelled from school.

I wonder what Machelle is doing today and how she was most affected by that event.

I wonder what impacted her life more?  The fashion show, the media blitz or being expelled from school.

Even though her behavior was held up for the public to scrutinize and it’s still in print, who cares anymore?  Just like the kids who streaked in school in the 1960′s – I highly doubt that their antics kept them from achieving their goals in life.

Keep rubbing in how this is going to follow them forever – because looking back, I know who looks more stupid and it isn’t the kid wearing the swimming suit at the mall.

Enjoy some Pink Floyd…nothing could be more appropriate.

Keep it Real!

“Endure the present and watch out for better things.” ~Virgil

This blog article is part of a link up to Moody Monday by tlpoague...thanks for hosting Tip!

 

8 Comments - Categories: RealHousewife

Selling the House

April 2, 2014 - Author: Kelly

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I’m gearing up to put my house on the market. Having been a real estate agent or involved in real estate for a couple of decades, I know what I need to do to make this transition go smoother. No matter what I do, it’s going to have its moments of stress – keep it real.

I have repainted the entire house and I am looking forward to enjoying the new updates as I go too.  I wanted to wait until after the snow to put in new carpet and so I’m thinking warm weather is ahead for the most part.

To prepare, I am cleaning every nook and cranny, as they say. That means taking down20120408-DSC_0118 the curtains (yay! for washable window dressings) scrubbing the baseboard and cleaning under everything. It’s just amazing what can get under the sofa. It’s my dogs favorite hiding place for their toys and treats!

I am culling myself and traces of my family from the house. I’ll take down all personal mementos, photos and even the, “Put on Your Big Girl Panties and Get Over it” bumper sticker I keep (strategically) by the house phone for a constant reminder.

I am in the process of removing any and all pots, pans or dishes I can live without for a few months. I have a storage facility that is climate controlled (for our documents) and I’m gonna stuff that puppy to the gills.

All the closets have to be cleaned out and I’ll donate lots of things I have hoarded, telling myself, “I might need that again someday.”  I obviously never did.

I have looked at real estate from the agent and seller’s perspectives. Prospective buyers do not want to know who I am or what my family is about. They are dreaming of their family in my home. I want them to be able to imagine how perfect their desk will look in that office or how their furniture is going to fit into my living room.

I want the mom to hear her voice screaming through the hallway.

I want the dad to imagine how long it will take to mow the lawn or how cool the built-in work bench in the garage is and how his tool box will shine under the built-in shelving.

I did all the above when I sold my last house and I had an offer in two weeks.

My plan is to look at homes to purchase and find a few each day that I like.  I’ll keep track of those and what’s new on the market until I sign a contract for a new home.  I’ve found several that look good online but it’s amazing how good a crappy house can look in photographs.

I showed a house once that did look fabulous in the photos and even had a gorgeous pool in the back yard.  My client was ready to make an offer before we even drove to the house.  When we got there and looked at the property it was a major letdown.  The linoleum tile was curling and peeling up and outward around the tub, evidence of constant water flow there.  They tried to do a custom paint job, painting a sort of trim around the cabinetry that was nothing short of fugly.  The pool took up the entire back yard! I don’t even think you could walk around it on one side.  (On the upside, if the kids were jumping on the bed and fell out the window…no problem).  Finally, down to the basement where I found obvious cracks in the foundation and looked up in the rafter and found a roach motel!

I showed another house to my sister – oh.my.lord. Thank goodness it was someone I felt totally comfortable with because the homeowner was there while we looked at their shit.  Literally.  It was all florals and fluffy furniture stuffed together WITH ANIMAL HAIR EVERYWHERE!  Ok, so sis and I were covering our mouths and trying so hard, so, so, so very hard not to laugh out loud.  Then we got down to the basement and had to step over a pile of laundry topped with dog poo.  I only wish I was kidding!  We were holding hands and practically running to our car.

I won’t be doing any of that because after all, I want to sell the house not provide entertainment.

Buying a house has tricks too…but that’s another blog.

Keep it Real!

And where is this guy when you need him?

“I love cleaning.  I love mopping the floor.  If you need your floor mopped, I’m there.” ~Saoirse Ronan

 

 

 

8 Comments - Categories: Blog, RealHousewife

Driving in St. Louis

March 31, 2014 - Author: Kelly

One thing that makes my mood swing like a golfer’s putter is driving in St. Louis.  I’d just be remiss if I didn’t say that we really aren’t the worst drivers in the world.  I’d never want to drive on highway in California or the streets of N.Y.  In Mexico, I saw little children driving motorcycles in traffic!

We do have a few oddities I see on the road here in St. Louis that leave me wondering if people are getting their license to drive from a cereal box.  In Canada, it can take a few years to get a driver’s license.  In Missouri, a person can be eligible to get their license as soon as they turn 16.

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There is a manual that most of us abide by and I will link that right here…in case anyone needs a refresher.

If you have done any of the following…please modify your driving behavior.

  1. Wide Swingers – When making a left or right hand turn there is absolutely no reason to swing your car into the opposite lane prior to executing that turn.  Unless you are driving a tractor trailer…I promise you, the front end of your car will follow the direction of the wheels without the jack knife maneuver.
  2. Tailgating – it doesn’t make people drive faster.
  3. Driving with your eyes closed…if you are putting on mascara, texting or chatting with a passenger, you may as well be driving with your eyes closed.  Don’t do that.
  4. The Blinker Jerk.  This is that one hurries to close the gap when you signal that you will be merging into the lane he is traveling in.  Share people, I pay taxes too.
  5. Racer – X – This is the guy that tries to mow you down in traffic.  It doesn’t matter that you have absolutely no where to go, he is going to stay on your @ss end tighter than your Levis and act as if you are doing something wrong.  Screw that guy.
  6. The Demonstrative Driver – this is the one that has a huge gaping cavity where their mouth should be and you can totally see it in your rear view and side mirrors like a black hole because it’s flapping and wants to kill you.  Words seem to be flying out in F’s with spittle spray accompanied by frenzied hand movements.  Ignore that guy.  His anger has nothing to do with you and he’s probably volatile so don’t even look at him.
  7. The Social Driver – Driving down the highway at 70mph is not the perfect time to make friends and meet new people.  If you see an attractive individual…good eye!  Keep watching the road because you don’t want to meet by accident.

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8.  The I Have Signals but They’re Only in My Head driver.  Blinkers people!  Cars have blinkers for a reason!  They indicate to other drivers to which direction you plan to turn that beast you’re driving.  Please, by all means, clue us in and not 2 seconds AFTER you already made that turn.

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9.  Merge, merge, binge and purge.  The way some people attempt to merge into traffic makes me want to puke.  If you are driving on an entrance ramp to a highway where other people are already driving say…70 mph?   Driving 25 mph in front of me, all the way down the ramp, probably isn’t going to work for me.  The idea is…you have to project a little.  You have to guess that people are already going as fast as the limit soOOOoooo (drum roll) – they give us the RAMP! Ramp it up, try to be getting into the traffic going the approximate speed limit so I don’t have to die.  ‘How to Merge Properly,‘ explains it all.

10.  The Clustermucks.  The Clustermucks…we all see them.  They drive in a tight row, bumper to bumper, like a chain of roller coaster cars.  I’m still not sure what that’s about…it’s like Hellen Keller is in the first car followed by a bunch of Racer -X’s all in a clustermuck in the fast lane.  Just why?

Traffic can be bad but for those of us who know our way around the city, it’s possible to avoid the madness.  If there isn’t another alternate route, just chillax and keep your shiny side up and your car between the ditches.

Keep it Real!

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.  They left a little note on the windscreen, it said, ‘Parking Fine.’ ~Tommy Cooper

This blog article is part of a link up to Moody Monday by tlpoague...thanks for hosting Tip!

 

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The Evolution of the RealHousewife – Flashback Friday

March 28, 2014 - Author: Kelly

By Tetra Pak (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tetrapak/5956902687/) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

By Tetra Pak (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tetrapak/5956902687/) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Being a housewife has changed in massive degrees over the last few decades.  We have come a long way (baby), due not only to technology but attitudes.  When I wonder why being a “housewife” could often carry such a negative connotation, I look to the past.

I feel sorry for Betty.  In those days women could only be married, a school teacher, maybe a secretary or a nurse.  Prostitution, historically, has always been the other alternative for females. Ladies didn’t get many career choices.

And could you even imagine this being on television today? I’d just love to see what would happen if the lady said, “make your own f*&K(*g coffee.” (and keep smiling while she says it, because we all know that housewives can say anything they want, even if it’s rude or inappropriate.  The trick is you have to say it really politely and with a nice smile.  The incongruency throws people off).

And what about leisure time? Televisions weren’t a household item until later in the 50′s…forget about computers.

Wives were friends with the ladies in their proximity.  Neighborhood parties, bar-b-ques and PTA were all the rage.  Tupperware made millions creating a social network of parties.

By Tupperware Corporation [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

By Tupperware Corporation [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Typically, women didn’t have their own automobiles…check out the commercial and how the very beginning of the two car family began.

And then later…we learned that it was sexy to not only cook the bacon but bring it home to daddy!

Due to all those technological advances, the ladies have learned that they can and should have it all.  We should clean the house, cook, take care of the children and do all their homework with them, have a career (and by the way, the kids must behave perfectly or you are screwing up somewhere) and keep a smile on your face at all times because if you don’t enjoy all that there’s something wrong with you.

If you don’t believe me just keep sniffing the craft glue and markers.

Keep it Real!

“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.” ~Bill Hicks

 

 

 

10 Comments - Categories: Blog, photography, RealHousewfie, RealHousewife

What is a Real Housewife?

March 26, 2014 - Author: Kelly

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I turn to the magic 8 ball…

Every so often, I receive a little criticism based on the idea of what a Real Housewife is or isn’t.  I have considered the answer to this question and I have come up with the answer for me.  It might be different for you or those you know.

One lady arrived at my blog because she googled key words, “how to be a confident housewife.”  This is for you sweet heart.

Some people feel I am subservient to my man, or I get the other, dull, blank stare when people ask what I do and I say, “I stay home with the kids.”  Some people think I’m taking advantage of my husband and I just stay home all day, cracking the whip like a plantation owner.

Here’s how it works for me:

Hubby and I own our own business that provides a real nice life for us. (Doing research and reporting).  I am the person who invented that business and Dave took it over when the business he worked for went under and truly he was more qualified than I to do the tedious research reports.

Dave and I both came from households where our mother’s for the most part, stayed home with us.  They were there after school and took us to the movies or the park and helped us with our projects.  We wanted that for our kids.

It was equal desire that I stay home with our kids so when we could afford that, I did say goodbye to the career I built in the field of sleep medicine.  It was a difficult choice for me to make but I wanted to really be close to my kids while I still had a chance.

One of my girls just detested day care and I would often go to work and cry on the way because it broke my heart to leave her, to peel her off of me some days.  I felt that child for some reason, really needed me to be near her more than the other two.

Moving from getting my paychecks and bennies to nothing was hard for me.

I had to create a new life with new things to do while I carefully navigated the new obstacle course of being responsible for all household chores and mother duties of teaching my children how to be independent so they someday will enjoy the life of a productive adult.

I feel my husband goes to work every day and he does things he doesn’t want to do for our family.  I try to remember that when I am scrubbing toilet bowls.  But yes, it is my job and I accept that.

I do keep my house as clean and neat as possible because we all want to live that way. I do all the dusting, floor cleaning, windows even! It is my job and I accept that.

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I do most of the laundry.  Since my girls are 12 and 14, I am currently teaching them load by load, how to do their own.

My girls keep their rooms cleaned (or they’re supposed to) and they have one other chore they get a little choice in.  One girl currently is on bath towel duty and the other feeds the pets each day.  When they get bored with their special chore, I allow them to switch to something just as disagreeable to me, such as loading and unloading the dishwasher or like that.

I don’t take out the trash.  I will tell Dave real sweet, “that shit can pile up to the ceiling and I am not taking it out.”

I don’t mow the lawn.  Ever.

I don’t maintain the vehicles or clean the garage.

I provide a selection of meals, treats and healthy snacks.  I love to cook and lets face it, it’s a necessity if you have a family.  Everyone has to eat, every single day so that issue isn’t going away.  Not only is it expensive to eat dinner out it’s probably not too healthy and you can’t do it three times aDSC02348 day with a family of 5.

Dave and I share responsibilities such as doctor, dental or most recently one girl had physical therapy three times a week for the dog bites on her hand.  The pediatrician and dentist know my husband just as well as me.

Dave does our talking.  If there’s any situation going on that requires calm…he’s gonna handle that.  We both accept that I don’t have a brain filter so what ever I think is going to come right out of my mouth.  It’s a danger that he lives with.

However, if a situation requires an angry call…I get to do that DSC00810part!!! (I have to tell you, my husband gets really amused by those situations).

I feel that I do a darn good job raising my family.  I am committed, dedicated and loyal to my people.  I know that once the girls are a few years older…life is going to change for me again and I’ll be on a new adventure.

Until then, I am not ashamed for making a choice to be a housewife.  I am not any of those stereotypical ideas that seem to be abundant and I don’t need anyone’s validation.  I feel I am doing an important job.

I am a real housewife and real damn proud of it!

Keep it Real!

p.s. To Debbie Harry – in my will, I bequeath you my middle finger.

“I could be a house wife…I guess I’ve vacuumed a couple of times.” ~ Debbie Harry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Comments - Categories: Blog, food, photography, RealHousewfie, RealHousewife